Sunday, 19 April 2009

What makes a good mother?

What makes a good mother?

A stay at home mum? A mother who breastfeeds and changes nappies? A mother who always say 'yes' to her child?

What makes a bad mother?

A mum who works and has activities of her own? A mother who regularly watches TV and still has time to read books? A mother who didn't breastfeed her baby?

These questions have been running around in my head chasing each other's tails like crazy. And yet I couldn't figure out the answer. So I decided to rewind my memory just trying to seek out some 'aha' moments. (duh! I sound like Oprah don't I?)

Anyway, once upon a time, I had lunch with some bunch of girly mums. We talked and talked and reached a point of discussion of why my baby didn't like to be breastfed because I only produce so little breast milk. And out of the blue, one 'good' mum said that it happened because "You are not passionate enough in breastfeeding your baby." I of course, was left speechless with her statement. Other, told me how a good mother she is by not working and always brings her daughter wherever she goes, shopping, that is.

So a couple of week later, I joined again this group of mums for a shopping spree. I arrived at the scene to find a stroller with a crying –hysterically crying- toddler inside, while the mum – the so called good mum- was inside an fashion store, mix and matching some items. Then the procedure repeated itself in a few more stores. Mum saw a bargain / nice shoe / nice dress / nice earring; mum went in store, left the stroller till baby screamed; mom went to cashier, finished shopping, and strolled down with baby for a while. Then repeat. When I was about to go home, mum got shoes, dress and matching sets of earrings. And baby was in "temper tantrum mode: ON."

On a similar occasion, we, of course, discussed our recent days. I told them I am taking a writing course (stay tune for more stories on my writing course). Some of them became bug-eyed, like saying "what is she doing? Taking a course? In writing?" One of them told me, though, "a writing, a hand-writing course?" she said, "you should ask my daughter to teach you, her teacher told me she has a good handwriting." I again, of course, was IMPRESSED.

I saw moms who said she "did all things possible for her children, all on her own", and yet gained no respect from her kids.

I saw moms who stay home and do all the chores by herself and yet didn't have her words listened by her daughter.

I grew up seeing my mother doing tons of activities.

Some of my friends grew up watching her mother work from 9 to 5 and yet still be able to comment on her daughter's hideous outfits.

I know a mom who didn't breastfeed her daughter at all, but 15 years later spent a day off of work with her daughter to seek David Archuletta's autograph.

So what makes a good mum?

It's not merely about breastfeeding and changing diapers ONLY. It's not only about breastfeeding your daughter exclusively ONLY. It's also about what you "do" in your life and how she sees you as a person. Are you in a time warp that stuck on the day that she was born? Or are you developing yourself?

I guess it's about evolving. Yup, a good mum is an EVOLVING Mum. This means not only that you nurture your child while she grows; you nurture yourself and grow too. So one day you can answer her questions on herbivorous dinosaurs, instead of thinking that it's a new line of shoes by Todd Oldham. And growing and evolving, can only be achieved by being active, a process of learning and adapting. To go out alone without her (well, ONLY if you have somebody to take care of your child) is not a crime. That's what I call 'educated risk'. I don't' think you can do no harm going out once in a while, shopping with your girlfriends, take an art class, get that manicure. And even if you have nobody to take care of your baby, you can always count on the baby's father, right? For example, I know a mum who takes painting lesson during weekend when 'papa' is home.

A couple of hours a week will do, sort of having a lunchbreak from 'mummyhood'. I think it's better than pushing strollers down the shopping lane with a hysterical baby inside.

1 comment:

fitrus said...

Speechless. It seemed that u really could read my mind and put them in a very good writing. It's very inspiring....